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1 joke of the day on Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:01 pm

yes___I mean no

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i like to make people laugh so i'll post one joke everyday, feel free to post a joke as well. the more you laugh the better.

2 Re: joke of the day on Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:01 pm

yes___I mean no

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Where does the one legged waitress work?
The Ihop

3 Re: joke of the day on Tue Jun 01, 2010 2:30 pm

allure

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LOL. That is a great one! Thanks for sharing

4 Re: joke of the day on Tue Jun 01, 2010 2:33 pm

yes___I mean no

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allure wrote:LOL. That is a great one! Thanks for sharing

now it's your turn to make me laugh, i'm sure you have a joke up your sleeves.

but lot literally lol!

5 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:14 am

yes___I mean no

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0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was very upset.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway,

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.


HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

6 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:49 am

allure

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LMAO!! Here's one..hope I don't offend....
He Said, I Said
He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said .. That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ...Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. ... Why don't women blink during for****y?
I said to him .. . They don't have time

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.

He said to me . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . .. . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

7 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:51 am

allure

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Another one for you...

The t*******s of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

The doctor told him to **** *** pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants.

The doctor stood him up on to the examining table, and started to examine him.

The doc put one finger under his left t******e and told the Midget to turn > his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. 'Aha!' mumbled the doc, and as he put his finger under the right t******e, he asked the midget to cough again. 'Aha!' said the Doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors.

Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the
left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his t******s still hurt. The midget
was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his "boys" were no longer aching.

The doctor said, 'How does that feel now?'

The midget replied, 'Perfect, Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?

'The doctor replied, 'I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.

8 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:00 am

yes___I mean no

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ha ha ha ha ha ha....

9 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:03 am

yes___I mean no

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What do you call a woman with one leg?

- Ilene

10 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:09 am

allure

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LOL, that is funny.

11 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:30 am

MAHARANI

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I love this thread !! Great idea !! Keep em coming !!!

12 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:44 am

yes___I mean no

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the queen has spoken

13 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:53 am

yes___I mean no

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this joke is rated pg-13

What did the p***s say to the c****m?

Cover me im going in!

14 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 02, 2010 11:27 am

allure

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Hahahahaha..where the heck did you come up with these? LOL. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

15 Re: joke of the day on Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:05 pm

yes___I mean no

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7 ways to annoy someone, enjoy

specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

16 Re: joke of the day on Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:47 pm

allure

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Hahahaha, that my friend would get people to shoot me in NY! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

17 Re: joke of the day on Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:59 pm

yes___I mean no

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Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "thats Funny, I smell carrots too".

18 Re: joke of the day on Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:51 am

yes___I mean no

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Why don't lions eat clowns.

Because they taste funny

19 Re: joke of the day on Sat Jun 05, 2010 11:56 am

yes___I mean no

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warning it's a blonde joke


One day a blonde was driving on the highway and got pulled over by a cop. The cop said "Why do you keep swerving?" The blonde replied "I turn one way and there's a tree, I turn again there's a tree, and then there's a whole bunch more trees popping out of nowhere." The cop replied "You retard that's your air freshener

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Laughing

20 Re: joke of the day on Sun Jun 06, 2010 4:12 pm

yes___I mean no

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A guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

2nd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."

3rd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."

The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"

3rd guy "Because you don't have any d**n ears to hang glasses on."

21 Re: joke of the day on Sun Jun 06, 2010 4:47 pm

Golden Girl

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lol..I didn't know you were a joker! funny [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.].
I'm not so good with telling jokes, but I have wondered what it was like to do stand up comedy once..lol, although I'm pretty good at making funny and strange noises with my mouth.


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22 Re: joke of the day on Sun Jun 06, 2010 4:55 pm

yes___I mean no

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i believe you, lets hear one

or set up a microphone so we can hear you make funny noises lol!

23 Re: joke of the day on Mon Jun 07, 2010 1:54 pm

yes___I mean no

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3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I stilll love her." He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.

The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.

Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.

He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".

24 Re: joke of the day on Mon Jun 07, 2010 5:05 pm

Golden Girl

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yes___I mean no wrote:i believe you, lets hear one

or set up a microphone so we can hear you make funny noises lol!

LOL!! Oh no! It's that crazy sound..wouldn't want to belittle myself lol. I can make a pretty good cat meow that sound kind of real..lol and I would carry a small talk conversation with the kittens at the animal shelter it's so fun.


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My Current Skin Lightening Regimen Is:
Neutrogena Acne Wash Pink Grapefruit Foaming Scrub (cleanser)
Tretinoin/Retin-A 0.05% (exfoliant)
All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
RX Suncare: Sport Sunblock SPF 50 (sunblock)
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25 Re: joke of the day on Mon Jun 07, 2010 5:10 pm

Golden Girl

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lol..where do you find these jokes? Do you create them on your own? Maybe create your own joke booklet..


_________________
My Current Skin Lightening Regimen Is:
Neutrogena Acne Wash Pink Grapefruit Foaming Scrub (cleanser)
Tretinoin/Retin-A 0.05% (exfoliant)
All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
RX Suncare: Sport Sunblock SPF 50 (sunblock)
-----------------------------------------------
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
http://theskinphilosophy.forumotion.net

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