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1 joke of the day on Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:01 pm

yes___I mean no

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First topic message reminder :

i like to make people laugh so i'll post one joke everyday, feel free to post a joke as well. the more you laugh the better.


26 Re: joke of the day on Tue Jun 08, 2010 11:20 am

yes___I mean no

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what did he blonde say when she ran into the bar?

OUCHH!!!

27 Re: joke of the day on Tue Jun 08, 2010 3:26 pm

MAHARANI

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A young boy comes home from school and tells his Mum he has been given a part in the school play.
'Wonderful, 'replies his Mum, 'what part is it?'
The boy says, 'I play the part of the husband.'
The mother scowls and says, 'Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part

28 Re: joke of the day on Tue Jun 08, 2010 3:32 pm

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Men Are Just Happier People


What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. ! Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ' do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier !!

29 Re: joke of the day on Tue Jun 08, 2010 3:48 pm

yes___I mean no

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LAUGHING OUT LOUD lol!

30 Re: joke of the day on Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:11 pm

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LOL!!! hmm... I wish I was a much simpler creature. My thoughts are always too indecisive and complex, that's why I have to write everything down! ...And men will never have to go through pregnancy or menopause.


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31 Re: joke of the day on Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:12 pm

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yes___I mean no wrote:LAUGHING OUT LOUD lol!

So...what happened to the woman at the end?


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32 Re: joke of the day on Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:15 pm

yes___I mean no

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Golden Girl wrote:
yes___I mean no wrote:LAUGHING OUT LOUD lol!

So...what happened to the woman at the end?


wait...what women at the end

33 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:13 pm

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Hmmm...sorry Yes___I mean no, I had to remove the last joke. It would be really offensive to some of the members and lurkers.


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All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
RX Suncare: Sport Sunblock SPF 50 (sunblock)
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34 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:27 pm

Golden Girl

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yes___I mean no wrote:what did he blonde say when she ran into the bar?

OUCHH!!!
I mean what happened when she ran into a bar?


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Tretinoin/Retin-A 0.05% (exfoliant)
All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
RX Suncare: Sport Sunblock SPF 50 (sunblock)
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35 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:41 pm

yes___I mean no

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ah, i knew it.
OK sorry about that.
and when she ran into the bar it was literally... like running into a wall

36 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:47 pm

yes___I mean no

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A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

37 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:51 pm

Golden Girl

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yes___I mean no wrote:ah, i knew it.
OK sorry about that.
and when she ran into the bar it was literally... like running into a wall

LOL..sorry.


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Tretinoin/Retin-A 0.05% (exfoliant)
All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
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38 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:52 pm

Golden Girl

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lol..
Why did the donkey cross the road?


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39 Re: joke of the day on Wed Jun 09, 2010 5:01 pm

yes___I mean no

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someone once said they have a dream of a world where donkeys (and chickens) can cross the road without having their motives questioned,lol

but is it something about being a jack A

40 Re: joke of the day on Thu Jun 10, 2010 12:25 pm

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A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

41 Re: joke of the day on Fri Jun 11, 2010 11:24 am

MAHARANI

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10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

42 Re: joke of the day on Fri Jun 11, 2010 7:11 pm

yes___I mean no

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that was a good MAHARANI never herd of that one, OK OK check it out
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

43 Re: joke of the day on Sat Jun 12, 2010 6:45 am

MAHARANI

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Ha ha.....you definitely have it in for blondes !!!

44 Re: joke of the day on Sat Jun 12, 2010 12:22 pm

yes___I mean no

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no nothing against blondes.

I knew a blonde (not all) that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

45 Re: joke of the day on Sun Jun 13, 2010 12:06 pm

MAHARANI

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I feel guilty for laughing .....

46 Re: joke of the day on Sun Jun 13, 2010 1:30 pm

MAHARANI

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47 Re: joke of the day on Sun Jun 13, 2010 2:52 pm

yes___I mean no

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don't, i think thats enough blonde jokes

48 Re: joke of the day on Sun Jun 13, 2010 3:21 pm

Golden Girl

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yes___I mean no wrote:someone once said they have a dream of a world where donkeys (and chickens) can cross the road without having their motives questioned,lol

but is it something about being a jack A
because the chicken was on vacation and someone had to be the a** ..lol sorry, I know pretty corny.


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All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
RX Suncare: Sport Sunblock SPF 50 (sunblock)
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49 Re: joke of the day on Sun Jun 13, 2010 3:26 pm

Golden Girl

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MAHARANI wrote:
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"


Lol..the ending summed it up..lol, I wonder how old was she then after marrying and divorcing all of those men!



Last edited by Golden Girl on Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:37 pm; edited 1 time in total


_________________
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Neutrogena Acne Wash Pink Grapefruit Foaming Scrub (cleanser)
Tretinoin/Retin-A 0.05% (exfoliant)
All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
RX Suncare: Sport Sunblock SPF 50 (sunblock)
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50 Re: joke of the day on Sun Jun 13, 2010 3:32 pm

Golden Girl

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yes___I mean no wrote:that was a good MAHARANI never herd of that one, OK OK check it out
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

lol..where do you guys find all of these jokes or do you just make them up?? writing your own material?


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Tretinoin/Retin-A 0.05% (exfoliant)
All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
RX Suncare: Sport Sunblock SPF 50 (sunblock)
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