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1 Have You Ever Been Asked This Question? ..lol on Wed Feb 03, 2010 7:41 pm

Golden Girl

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Have you ever been asked the question by someone in person or online such as "Why on earth do you lighten your skin? I think it's just crazy? I don't understand that because you must have salf-hate issues?" blah blah blah...lol. Well, in case your tiered of answering them that day or whatever the reason may be. Then, feel free to copy and paste to them my following answer below. Or you can paste the link:

We all have our ideals of beauty. Some want to be darker and some want to be lighter. Some like to straighten their hair, and some like to curl it. Some like to have brown eyes, and some like green, hazel, or blue. Some like to dye their hair blonde, some dye it brown or auburn, and some dye it blue or green. We all alter ourselves the way we like, whether two people disagree what the other does or not...we all still do it. So, if someone does not like what I do to change, then I might also not like something that they are doing to alter their own selves. Yet, many of us all try to control one another in some form of way, define, and say what can and can not be done; what should and should not be done. If we all had the same ideals of beauty, then where is the diversityand liberty?

No two people think a like, nor does two people alter theirselves the exact same way...yet that is a fact that we all are responsible of...I've grown tiered and restless of people pointing fingers and casting another down. Because we all want to be respected for what is in the inside, not how we alter ourselves. No need to waste our breath on what someone can or can not do to alter or define their selves. When we shouldactually focus more on what we should and should not do to better our earth and be good people. Much more in life that is going on like murder, suffering, global warming, situations that are more complex that should be really questioned and discussed...not something simple as one darkeing or lightening their skin, curling their hair, or changing their hair black or blonde...that is vague. That is how nothing gets done.

Not judge. Not question with speculation. Just focus on real issues such as "why people murder??" and "why people litter??"...I don't see that being asked and analyzed as much these days...


Ok, how would you normally answer this question?



Last edited by Golden Girl on Wed May 12, 2010 8:42 pm; edited 2 times in total

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MAHARANI

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Am I a coward if I say that I would divert the conversation in order NOT to have to answer the question. I am more than happy to answer online, why I chose to lighten and would pretty much say what is mentioned above, but I would not deal with a face to face approach with an answer.

As far as I am concerned I do not question people about any aspect of their physcial appearance and would therefore appreciate the same for myself. I do not ask, why do you have a ring in your nose, why do you have a piercing in your lip, why do you wear your skirt so short, why do you wear those shoes, why do you have tatoos.....As far as I am concerned it is all about personal preference and maybe this is why I have always had people wanting to be a part of my life, because they see that I DO NOT judge and I accept everyone for who they are. We are all somebodies child, brother, sister, mother, father....whatever, and we all deserve respect for any choices we make, even if they are NOT the choices others would make for themselves. As long as no one is getting hurt in the process, Live and let Live.

My old Best friend used to go to Greece in 40 degrees heat and would come back as black as anything AND she was white !!! I never said, who are you trying to be? Are you trying to be black or something. She just loved her skin with the deepest tan and that made her happy. That is good enough for me. It is YOUR choice, that is what our brains are for.




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Golden Girl

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Hmm...yeah, I have not been asked this in public yet...and I hope never. But, online yes too many times.Maybe I should ignore, but somtimes I grow so restless of continuously being asked over and over. I don't like confrontation either and prefer the others to not even be aware to think to question what I choose to do. As it is much better that way. Unfortunately online a different story because what others choose to do with their selves is no problem to me. As long as they are not harming other people and such. It confuses me so much when people feel that they somehow have the right to judge and prejudge, and yet do not want to be judged themselves. This perplexes me so much, because I believe it is the diversity that we have and the diversity of our choices, is what makes us unique and should be accepted.

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MAHARANI

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Do you know what really perplexes me, is when people actually JOIN a skin lightening board, in order to give their view on how people need to love WHO they are !! I don't know about you, but I don't have the time to seek out things that annoy me and hound others with my opinions. I think to myself, how sad are these people. Are their lives so empty they have nothing better to do ?

Ask yourslf, with all the dangers of sun tanning, have you ever ACTIVELY sought out a sun tan forum to tell them of all the dangers and the need to LOVE yourself just the way you are? The whole point of forums is to share info and to hopefully find safe solutions to whatever you are trying to seek. You don't need to hear the babblings of someone who does not share your goals. Once again, if lightening isn't for you, then be the way you want to be, you don't need to try and change people to YOUR way of thinking just because you don't like what they are doing or what they have to say.

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MAHARANI

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I need to add that with my friend who regularly came back from her holidays, much much darker than me, I told her ONCE about the dangers of tanning so aggresively in the space of a week with no proper sun protectiona and that was it !! I also suggested safer alternatives, fake tans and bronzers. That was it !! She did not need ME to lecture her every time, she decided she wanted to use the sun bed to top up her tan or lay in her garden at midday on the hottest of days.

She is an adult and I realise that seeing her pale skin made her miserable and she desperately wanted some colour. Who am I to stand and judge her. She knows of the possible consequnces, but as a human being with FREE will, has decided that she is willing to take the risk, because it makes her HAPPY.

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Golden Girl

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lol..so true so true. That perplexes me too, because it's silly for people to search the internet just to write like 1 or 2 posts to boss others and then vanish before an answer is given, as though they have already made up their minds and no need for them to even here your opinion. As though your opinion doesn't even count. I feel that if it bugs them that much then they should start their own little community center on what they hate and dislike about others. I remember one lady last year was even going as far as demeaning everyone's intelligence and said we all must not have higher education or like reading books because of it on another forum...lol. I was like, realy? wow!

I don't know, when I log on the net that's beyond my interests on what to do...theres so many wonderful things on how to spend time wisely. Vague issues such as 'how to control another's personal choices and yet ignore my own in 30 seconds"...that's just silly and desperate. More entertaining going to meet with friends and not be one who nitpicks and then nag about it.

Exactly FREE WILL, I see why there exhisted dictators and such. We can voice our concerns to those we care for and alternatives. But, that's it. I think some people like to make lightening a culprit and hammer it around in order to feel as though they are better than others as well as an attempt to mask their own decisions in their lives.

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Alizee love

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Sadly I couldn't read GGs answer because of the light color.
As I just started I have not told anyone and it isn't noticable but if I am ever asked I would probably say I'm seeing a dermatologist and am exfoliating. I don't understand those who go into forums they don't agree with just to argue. My feeling is those people simply like hearing themselves talk and want to feel their opinion is the gospel or something.

However, as a psychology major I can reconize when someone has a real problem. Heidi montag and the woman on oprah who wanted to look like barbie are good examples. These individuals have gone too extremes and now look very unatural imo. Wanting to change something about yourself is natural but people who say lighten because they really want. To look like another race have psychological issues and need therapy. You can not change your race; its in your DNA. LOL
As long as you don't go to extremes your o.k. and its the extremeties that cause damaf
Ge to themselves.

cordellpuss


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Yes !!!!alot of times and it makes me feel very uncomfortable , there are people who just make it seems as if it's the worst thing in the world.

cordellpuss


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I believe strongly in to each their own,live and let live, i think such people are board with their lives and is power hungry so they put down others to make themselve`s feel better.

Alizee love

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Sometimes people act like you just killed a baby or something.
It is ridiculous that people go into tanning beds and basically rub the sun all over their bodies causing skin cancer and that is ok but if you want to lighten you're Frankenstein's monster

Golden Girl

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oh, I was about to delete this thread!..lol, I wasn't sure if I was comin off as ranting or such. I was upset that day due to hearing some speak so negatively about what someone else chooses to do, and yet feel that they have the right to do as they wish. very hypocritical.


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My Current Skin Lightening Regimen Is:
Neutrogena Acne Wash Pink Grapefruit Foaming Scrub (cleanser)
Tretinoin/Retin-A 0.05% (exfoliant)
All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
RX Suncare: Sport Sunblock SPF 50 (sunblock)
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allure

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LOL. I have never disclosed this to anyone. My complexion even though light looks like the same. Mainly because in the winter time I am covered from head to toe and summer time my skin looks clearer, lighter. This is the first time that I have decided to lighten all over. IMO it's no one business!

Golden Girl

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LOL I agree it isnt anyone's business if someone wants to lighten or tan.


_________________
My Current Skin Lightening Regimen Is:
Neutrogena Acne Wash Pink Grapefruit Foaming Scrub (cleanser)
Tretinoin/Retin-A 0.05% (exfoliant)
All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
RX Suncare: Sport Sunblock SPF 50 (sunblock)
-----------------------------------------------
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
http://theskinphilosophy.forumotion.net

MAHARANI

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Like you mentioned before, there are so many bad things going on in this world, that surely people should focus their attention on correcting this than deciding it is more important to discuss how someone looks and whether they have the right to change it.

Alizee love

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Isay live and let live.
The only problem I can think of is if a person is doing damage to thenselves, then a friend or family member should voice their concern....it might be a good thing

sara

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It is frustrating that people think they have the right to question us about what we like to do. It makes me angry when someone ask this question, and demand answers, like we owe them anything. In forums people keep telling us don’t compare it to tanning but it is the same thing lol, why is it ok to burn your skin under the sun to become orange and it is not ok to bleach??

The problem is society will never accept skin lightning as norm, it is not new practice but it will always be frowned upon. Funnily today I saw a colleague who works in different department but we have annual meeting, she came back very tanned from holiday, so I told her jokingly you timed your holiday to show off your tan, which made her smile for the complement, then I immediately wondered, would someone be joking to me about my new skin colour?? lol never!

Yes it is my business but why do we feel ashamed about it?? I mean I never discus my lightning with my best friend, even though I tell her everything, she will think I am psycho if I do lol she soon will find out.

allure

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LOL Sara, you've got it right. There is no difference for whites tanning as opposed to dark skin people bleaching. Would we say to tanners oh you want to be black? No, it is for self satisfaction why we do the things we do.

Alizee love

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I think the main reason some get upset about it is they see it as you wanting to change your race; as if lighter skin to get read of your ethnicity.
I guess this may stem from the fact that for may generations darker skined people were treated as second class citizens and it has only been in the past three decades, in America, that the whole Black is beautiful has become mainstream. lol
I personaly do not see it as a dark person wanting to be white but someone who would like lighter skin becasue they like the way it makes their skin look.
I feel it is no different then those who darken their skin

allure

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Precisely Alizee! I don't personally care what others are doing to their skin, so long as it is not damaging it. Everyone of us has a choice and preference in life, if it is your wish to lighten, then you should and others should just butt out.

Alizee love

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Yup that is how I feel, maybe I get it from the french side, we have that "You live your life however you want so long as it doesn't affect me"
The only time it can be detrimental is when people abuse products and pretty much burn their skin

allure

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Yes that is true Alizee, let live we say meaning let people live their lives however they chose.

Alizee love

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That is why it was fairly easy for the PACS to get passsed, we believe in a big seperation between the public and private sphere. That is why talking loudly is seen as vulgar, you're intruding on someone's privacy [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

allure

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LOL Alizee!

Golden Girl

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sara wrote:It is frustrating that people think they have the right to question us about what we like to do. It makes me angry when someone ask this question, and demand answers, like we owe them anything. In forums people keep telling us don’t compare it to tanning but it is the same thing lol, why is it ok to burn your skin under the sun to become orange and it is not ok to bleach??

The problem is society will never accept skin lightning as norm, it is not new practice but it will always be frowned upon. Funnily today I saw a colleague who works in different department but we have annual meeting, she came back very tanned from holiday, so I told her jokingly you timed your holiday to show off your tan, which made her smile for the complement, then I immediately wondered, would someone be joking to me about my new skin colour?? lol never!

Yes it is my business but why do we feel ashamed about it?? I mean I never discus my lightning with my best friend, even though I tell her everything, she will think I am psycho if I do lol she soon will find out.

Exactly. Like I somehow owe them something [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] , I'm tempted to say "get lost". When people say not to compare it to tanning it means that they are guilty. Same with hair, colored contacts, etc. but they feel they should not be judged in return. I think the shame stems from our environment wanting us to feel shame for lightening and to feel shame for not being light? Well, many from our environment that is.


_________________
My Current Skin Lightening Regimen Is:
Neutrogena Acne Wash Pink Grapefruit Foaming Scrub (cleanser)
Tretinoin/Retin-A 0.05% (exfoliant)
All Day Chemist Hq 4% (lightener)
RX Suncare: Sport Sunblock SPF 50 (sunblock)
-----------------------------------------------
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
http://theskinphilosophy.forumotion.net

Alizee love

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My friend told a woman to,and I quote, "kindly back the F*ck off" lol.

Gg I think some of it is because those darker tend to get treated worse in many countries and just now people are starting to see darker people are beautiful so when one mentions lightening sone see it as a step back. I see it as none of my darn buisness what others do lol

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