I hope someone can offer me a suggestion to this but I understand if none is forthcoming as I am at a loss myself as what to now suggest myself.

Basically I have a friend who has a 13 year old daughter. For some reason this young lady does not have a big take on personal hygiene and is not a big fan of showers, baths or any kinda of cleanliness. And my poor friend has had to badger this girl every day to go have a shower for about a year now.

Now up until recently, it was annoying but not really a major issue for my friend, but now with the onset of puberty and other things that go with it, my friend is really concerned about the situation. She has tried sitting her daughter down and really talking to her. Letting her know that people and friends may start talking about her and laughing and calling her names behind her back She has said it to her in a nice caring way, without trying to put her daughter down. In general, the response she gets is a blank one and there really does not seem to be any concern coming from her daughter. The good thing at the moment, is that she is a very popular girl and has lots of friends and partakes in many extra curricular activities. But we don't know whether people have already started talking and eventually her wide circle of friends may diminish. I would hate for her to look back on this time, in the future and feel sad and embarrassed about the situation. Lord knows when we are young nothing seems to matter, but I know I would cringe if it was me.

This girl also has siblings, an older sister and a younger brother , and they regularly tell her she smells, but again with no real response or concern. They are all at the same school and are very close in age, so they are concerned that they will also be laughted at because of her actions, so it is not just her to worry about.

In her defense I have never personally smelt any bad odour from her but I don't see her every day. But when I heard that she had recently been on a school trip for nearly a week and had only changed her knickers twice, I knew something had to be done.

I did think that maybe as I have been a part of her live for as long as she has lived, that maybe I could talk to her about it, but I don't want her to think that her Mum has been speaking about her with others and then this causes a strain in their relationship,

So my question is what do you think her Mum could do to encourage her to be more concerned about personal hygiene. I am hoping it is a phase but it has been a year now!

Hmmm...yeah, I have known of cases like this with a few of my students during the time of whan I was teaching. The best that I know of is to have her to naturally grow an interst with this, perhaps doing more feminine activities such as ballet, chorus, etc. Taking her to nice boutiques that sells fragrances and asking her opinion on what she may admire. It will not happen overnight, but will take time though.

Growing up with all brothers in my life (but 1 long-distance older sister later on) I was naturally a tom boy up until highschool, sports, boys clothes, jump gates and trees, I can't imagine a tomboy worse off than I...lol. My mom even prayed I would become more feminine [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] . Perhaps including her into more feminine activities, makeovers, shops to girly type places can help encourage her daughter, but it will not happen overnight. It may take step-by-step.

Well she jsut started cheerleading so maybe hanging around girls who may be more positive about how they present themselves may encourage her to follow suit. I am really hoping that is the case. But deep down I think she really believes it really isn't that BIG a deal.

I almost feel like something really bad has to happen before she realises. i.e. a group of children confronting her and calling her names. I would hate if that happened. I pray she comes to her senses.

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I believe her being around other females should make her more self-conscious as well, it will just take some time. A year or less from now who knows? She may grow and become a totally different person and into a young lady.

I hope nothing real bad happens, hopefully. But, if it's the only way then some people may only learn the hard way in order to understand greater.

Yeah like my Mum says those who do not hear MUST feel .

Kandiluv I am hoping that in time things will improve. She has a lot of female influence in her life and all of them very positive, which makes it even more confusing as to why she is behaving like this. I know that as we grow, we can change incredibly and who knows she may turn completely around and we may wonder what all the fuss was about. Time will tell......

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Good quote, "those who do not hear must feel". This goes for many situations and many people.

In a couple of years things still do not change enough, then someone like a professional or her coach may need to counsel with her. It may be embarressing for her, but it would help in the long run.It could just mean a matter of habit. Or when she really start to like boys and begin dating, she may definitely change then.

Again this is what I am hoping for. At the moment there is no definite interest in boys, which I don't necessarily think is a bad thing because she is very academic and I would hate for her to be distracted. Her head is always in a book and this seems to be her main focus. So maybe someone who she really respects or looks up to may be the driving force to seeing sense. I am going to ask her Mum how things are going in a few weeks and let's see how it goes.


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