First topic message reminder :

i like to make people laugh so i'll post one joke everyday, feel free to post a joke as well. the more you laugh the better.

Golden Girl wrote:

yes___I mean no wrote:someone once said they have a dream of a world where donkeys (and chickens) can cross the road without having their motives questioned,lol

but is it something about being a jack A

because the chicken was on vacation and someone had to be the a** ..lol sorry, I know pretty corny.

ohh don't be so modest i thought it was funny

Golden Girl wrote:

yes___I mean no wrote:that was a good MAHARANI never herd of that one, OK OK check it out
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

lol..where do you guys find all of these jokes or do you just make them up?? writing your own material?

some of them i find online some i change to make it funnier and more appropriate

OK, so mike Tyson was sitting down eating his food just minding his own business. after awhile there was a crowd of people taking pictures.

the waitress comes out and says "do you want a box for your food" Tyson then stud up, tuck a deep breath... and punched her in her face.

5 min later as the police was putting him into there car the cop asks "why did you do this to this poor women" Tyson replied "she asked me if i wanted to box for my food"


HA HA HA HA

Funny, funny........ [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] And not a blonde hair in sight......

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language.

He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.

The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the h*ll is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!"The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."

Naughty .......but funny !!

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

Redneck Logic
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

How have I not seen this thread before? Lol

First a corny joke: A man walks into a. Bar. Ouch

Blonde joke:

Two blondes were looking at the moon when one says to other, "which do you think is closer, the moon or Florida?"

The other one replies, "Well duh, you can't see Florida"

Ok here is another and its diiirrrtttyyy lol

A little boy and his parents were at the zoo and say two animlas "having fun" the boy asks the parents what are the two animals doing and the father says they are "baking a cake".

Later at home while watching tv he sees two animals "baking a cake" and runs totell his parents who send him to bed.

Later that night the boy comes down the stairs and sees his parents "baking a cake", he slowly goes back upstairs without them knowing.

Th next day the boy comes into the kitchen all smiles and says, " I know what you guys did last night"

The parents eachange looks and ask the boy what he say, he replies, " I saw you baking a cake last night and I licked the frosting off the couch". Lol

I know lam

ahhhggg

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.
Before he left in the morning, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for $250 and enclosed a note:
Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:
(1) it had never been occupied;
(2) that there was plenty of heat;
(3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn’t any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for $250 with the following note:
Dear Sir, First of all,
(1) I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
(2) As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.
(3) Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please don’t blame the landlord. so I aadvice you to pay the $500 agreed or I will get someone to remove your furniture

this is not towards anybodies mom but.....

Yo mamma's so fat, when she went to the beach, the whales sang "We are family!"

Lol sara.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

lol poor blondes

Lmao

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Yo momma is so dumb I saw her outside throwing cheerios and when I aksed her what she was doing she said, " I'm planting doughnut seeds"

haven't herd that one, ha ha ha ... doughnut seeds

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."

A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"